How does love taste like?

This week as one of the weirdest week ever.  Well actually if I give a look at my last days, maybe the last couple of months, this is one of the weirdest period of my life. As I don't want to annoy you with ALL the weird stuffs of my life I want to tell you something I have learned about love this week.
I met a friend I haven't seen in ages. He is the brother of one of my ex school mates and I know him since he was 12. Now he's 18 and has become a very handsome boy. He has a girlfriend and they have been dating for 8 months but if you had the chance to talk with him you would be astonish. He leaved me astonish when he started talking about how much he loves her. How they complete each other. How everything was so natural and easy. How he doesn't mind to take 3 buses just to arrive to her place and meet for a relaxed afternoon watching a movie. He left me speechless. I have to confess you I've never had a relationship like that. I mean, of course I had had (and have) a crush on someone. And I had had some boyfriends. But I couldn't go out with them for more than a month. Probably I didn't really like them or I was afraid of them, looking at their presence as something which didn't allow me to do things I used to do by my own.  
So can you imagine my shock ( and a slightly bit of envy) when I heard such wonderful things about love from a boy younger than me? Unbelievable.  But I'm glad he has told me that. He confirmed what I have been thinking in the last couple of months. Love is easy. You don't have to dress up like a pop star or be flawless. It doesn't matter if you are poor or if you live in a  castle. Love is when two people compose a symphony despite of all the noise they are surrounded by. 

I'm missing you like crazy..

I'm here in the library, taking notes and doing a random writing test without any success. Do you want to know why? I'm thinking of you. Again.
As soon as I open my exercise book I found out a note you made while we were at class, playing like kids. The exercise book itself remind me of you.
I remember every morning you arrived at school and hugged me.
I miss those hugs.
I remember you and then me starting to write desperately because none of us has done the homework. And I remember me trying to focus on the task but giving up every time. My mind was full of you and your words.
I miss pretending to write standing by your side. Well, right now I'm pretending to write as well but you are not next to me.
I remember that day you made me hear the song that it's my alarm clock since then. And that same day you told me something that stopped my heart for a moment because it is not usual for me to hear the words "I like you".
You probably thought I was a heartless woman but I'm just too bad at express my feelings.  Well, actually you reclaimed me for not expressing my feelings, but I swear you I'm the worst person for it.
Anyway, I really miss you. And I don't miss you in the sense that I miss our 30-minutes-long romance, I miss our friendship. I miss going out with you and drinking beer or even drink a coffee. With you everything was easy and funny and enjoyable. Some days I feel so empty and the first though that cross my mind is to do something with you. But we are at around 900 miles apart.
Anyway, I'm happy for the time we spent together. And no one could ever make me forget it. And the fact that I miss you like crazy is the proof.

Blowing in the wind

I wish I could tell all you how amazing is my university. How many people I have already met. How many boys I already have a crush on.  And how my room got messy after the first flat party.

But I won’t tell you anything about it. Cause it is not happening, it is not real. The reality is that I am in the sad kitchen of my house, looking sadly at food I cannot eat and writing on my blog because I have nothing else to do. That’s the reality. I really wanted to change it. But it seems to me that more I try the most life tells me that I am not good enough for anything.

As you can notice, I am going through bad days. Even if I am not the smartest girl in the world, at least I know that life is made by some good days and others bad days.  Before you’ll stop reading this post (sorry for sound this depressed) , I just want to tell you the last good day I had in the past weeks.

It was late for a run, above all it was going to rain. The storm was coming. I have had spent my day walking around Rome, taking random pictures with a friend I haven’t seen in ages and running for catching a bus. Any other people would have been exhausted after such a busy day. But the wind blowing to my face gave me a strange energy. So I decided to go for a run and what something incredible happened to me, I cannot explain it with any other word.

As always, I took my iPod with me and start walking for the warm up. Lighting and thunders run across the sky. You have to know that since I’ve lived in my little town, I’m scared of thunders. But that night lightings and thunders was not the only owners of the sky. There was one of the biggest and most beautiful full moon I’ve ever seen. She was right in front of me and I couldn’t stop watching it. And then I have a thought.

Life is like that night. Sometimes there are storms that want to scare us and make us believe that we are near to the end. Lightings make reality appears in different way, a deformed way. Thunders distract us and we cannot hear what our heart wants us to know. But even if we run in the dark, moon is looking after us. She guide us. She gives us hope. And suddenly calm comes back to us, even if it is just a moment. But we feel it as a blessing, a little space of happiness.

Moon exists for everybody, we don’t have to lose hope or give up on our dreams. Maybe my moon is just behind a cloud. But the wind will blow it off.

For you this is just a good time, for me it is happiness

I haven't written on this blog in ages!
I have been in my home country for almost two months and I lived some incredible experiences.  I think that normal human beings called them "life". But for me, those experiences, adventures, new people, I call them "happiness". I've never been more happy that before. After a year passed in front of computer, watching television series and feeling like rubbish now I can finally see why life is enjoyable. Even if I changed my point of view, it doesn't mean that now I am one of those people  who call all this stuff "life". I feel different. I want to be different. I don't want to be "normal". I want to be extraordinary. And I want to live extraordinary experiences, extraordinary adventures, meet extraordinary people. I want an extraordinary life.

Laughter Lines

"I'll see you in the future when we're older and we are full of stories to be told" -Laughter Lines by Bastille- 

Dan's voice makes my heart bleed. What is the future? What is waiting for me? My life looks so confused sometimes... well most of the times. I cannot really see any future for me. I mean, I'm not talking about die tragically and unexpectedly. But I cannot imagine a future as other people imagine. Everybody dreams about their future job, how many children they want to have, where they want to live. I am not like everybody else. My future life should start in September but I don't even know if I am gonna arrive at that critical moment. I have an exam to pass before start living my dream. And if I not pass the exam, how my life is going to be? Would I finally find the life I am looking for? 

I don't have any answer to this last question. But the only thing I am certain about is that I'll always have a person in the future. My person. She gives me strength and courage and believes in me more than I do. Probably I'll never be thankful enough for all she does for me. I'll try to do my best to repay her in any way. Because she's my person. She's my sister. She's my everything.

Don't let it go

Is anything easy in our life? Will something be easy in our life? I don't know what to answer.
Finally I've got the chance of my life. And I'm letting it go. Actually it's not my choice. I've got some problems but the biggest of them is the cash. I feel really bad asking money to my parents. And today I realize that I'm falling into depression again. I'm starting to thinking again that specifically songs lyrics are talking about me. Unfortunately all the songs always talk about prostitutes or how sad is this fucking life. Now you are wondering why I wrote this things on a blog that I made not with the intention of complaining myself. I don't what to complain anymore. I don't want to give up. Today I receive a wonderful and unexpected mail from The-girl-who-has-the-name-of-an-Italian-city. It gave me the strength to arrive at the end of the day thinking that I can take this chance. And I'm not letting it go. I want to be who I want.

Looking for happiness

I'm looking for a new life. I'm looking for happiness.
This is my project in my life. But which is the way to get it?
I'm a 20-years-old girl.
And the only thing that makes me happy it's music. It resolves all my problems.
Unfortunately I can't run from them for a long time. I have to live into real life. And in the real life I have a friend. Only a friend. I decided to call him Mushu, like Mulan's little dragon. He's my everything but also in this case there's an "unfortunately" to say. I don't think I'm his everything. I would like to but I'm not. He's looking for the love of his life and as all the men he wants her to be beautiful and with a perfect body *cough cough big boobs cough cough*
Anyway I really appreciate his friendship. Maybe it's the only real friendship I ever had. Most of my friend abandoned me for a reason or other.
Ok, I just realize that this first post it's becoming too depressing. And I don't want to.

I'm starting this new blog because I want to live. I’m tired of cry and complain about my life (ok, most of the  time I think it suck but who cares?) I want to feel like I felt at Bastille's gig. It was amazing. I felt like there was no problems, no fights in this world and inside of me. It was just me. And music. Nothing else. 

That feeling was the closest to happiness. And I'm looking for that feeling again.